Archives for category: writing

I like walking in the rain for a simple reason: I like the sensation of droplets colliding with my skin, like tiny wet kisses. Rain can’t be drawn or bought; it just is. But if I were to tell you a story about it, I would say that my pointy noise and rather cacklsome laugh as a child provoked the nickname ‘witch’. Walking in the rain, as any believer of fiction will know, means I can’t possibly be a witch: I don’t melt.

Books (though only catastrophically in the rain) are another great pleasure. Through books I learn, travel, see, and feel. The turn of a phrase can be devastating, exhilirating, alientating, incarcerating, intoxicating, liberating… in books I discover my many selves, and (in the fleeting moment of reading) understand them. I inhabit words – climbing inside sentences to find a link to and other heart, another mind. Words consume me, too – they swallow me up, gnaw on me, make me sick, feverish, aroused, defeated, awake. Reading is a physiological endeavour, the words acting as jump lead between the battery of my mind and the spark of my body. Writers, though mainly pairs of words themselves, make me: with Sarah Hall I’m carnal; with Carol Shields I long; with Jon McGregor I become the beauty of silence; in Siri Hustvedt’s hands I am the future self I desire; at Nick Walker’s hands I’m witty and sexy; Pratchett makes me corrupt; Tolkien induces hope for another time; Hornby weaves me into pop culture; Atwood makes me float above the surface of my life; and Auster buries me in the sadistic satisfaction of self-reflection. The price of a paperback is one thing, but what’s the price of a compulsion for words?

Artists deal in layers of abstraction – an idea manifest is, by necessity, one step away from pure thought, and an audience, in exercising their own faculties, instigate yet another level of remove. John Christie and John Berger, in their epistolary exchange, come to realise that “aesthetics are better practised than discussed… Colour, and our need of colour, is everywhere.”

I send you this cadmium red is inherently a many layered thing. A collection of letters is the source material for this provocative musing on the power of colour, which lift from the page as they are spoken aloud, melding with a soundscape that echoes the shifting tone of the exchange. The words describe colours and artefacts that subsequently become the pages of a book, replete with images of the letters themselves. But the interpretation of I send you this cadmium red produced by Paul Bennun removes the audience from the physical fact of the letters exchanged and instead offers a rich and personal access to the sentiment by allowing the words, the quality of the voice, the canvas of sounds to draw the colours. Averting our gaze from colour, line and form, allows the colours to be felt rather than seen; imagined, and therefore created.

I send you this cadmium red is a testament to the deep and compelling power of sound, encouraging the listener themselves to ‘practice aesthetics’.

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Permit me to be bold: I think we should get together. I want to explore your mind, touch your handiwork and feel your passion. I want to find the gaps between us and to ignite a fire with all the oxygen in that space, so that when the fire dies we are drawn together as in a vacuum. Together we can make something magical.

Today I took another step inside the chamber of learning, with the glorious aid of a cloreclaw buddy, and I found something perplexing: I found the right people. It’s a complex notion, but there are a few things I know. I know that I want to have deep, creative and productive relationships with a variety of people. I know that I want to solve a problem imaginatively. I know that I want to bring together a powerhouse of creative talent for a collective endeavour. In short, I want to be part of a creative community, one that’s made up of the right people.

The tricky thing, of course, is that for something to be right, it must meet a particular criteria, which suggests judgement and selection. I find the idea of ‘building’ a community deeply problematic (communities work well when the constituents are self selecting) and counter intuitive (the rallying point should be a problem, not a person). All that adds up to a considerable challenge: is it possible to create a call to action without owning the problem?

I’m trying to break old habits of facilitation and coordination in order to make way for collaboration. That means learning how to embrace difference, lose control and trust the process. Crucially, it means trying to understand others, and the only way to do that is to be open. So here’s my declaration: I’m now open for business (and I’ll revel in potential and wilful misinterpretation)!

I’ve been avoiding training courses for the last few years. That’s not because I don’t want to learn, but because too often I don’t – a day of pursuing a new area of knowledge or practice with strangers and tutor(s) whose style doesn’t necessarily meet mine is often disheartening and largely frustrating. So when I was asked what I wanted to get out of the Clore Emerging Leaders course, I struggled to answer. Exposing myself to an intense week-long course suddenly felt like a precarious position to be in.

Then, Sonita Alleyne arrived to give our first evening address. She was engaging, honest, down to earth, and interested in us and journey we are on. She spoke about her career and successes and used the phrase ‘putting things in the mix’ to describe her approach to life and work.

The phrase resonated with me as a tendency (one that I’m sure my friends and family find wearing) – to open things up, challenge myself, create challenges (and madcap adventures) for others, and try new things. I sometimes see this as a desperate attempt to make things stick, but maybe that’s an ungenerous reading. Perhaps it’s much more about wanting to be part of the world, recognising that both the world and I are constantly evolving? Sonita suggested that leadership can only happen around change, a view that I certainly share.

It’s been a good week for analogies with water. Professionally, I’ve been thinking about the metaphors of flooding in relation to memories, particularly concentrating on the destructive fallout of an inundation, and the residual debris and chaos. I also spent two days at an ideas lab as part of Culture Hack East, which felt like swimming (sometimes against the tide) through a sea of thought.

I recently moored my solo skiff (yes, enough of the naff watery puns) and started sharing living space again, which made me realise how much time I’ve been spending in my own head trying to process the clamouring mass of my thoughts. I considered blogging frequently, for the discipline of expressing a single thought, and the marked benefit of silencing even one of the multitudes of thought frequencies in my brain. Yet I found the physicality of a box of stuff had a pervasive power over me, and the perpetual desire to create the ultimate organised space was difficult to ignore. I often worked late into the night, beavering away, finding spaces for stuff, making order where there was chaos. Now, working into the night isn’t an option – it’s neither considerate nor conducive to a functional relationship.

It isn’t just stuff I’ve been reordering, though – it’s habits, my lifestyle if you will, which responds to another recurrent desire: to be in the moment. Carpe Diem!

So, March is blogging month. It’s a chance to crystallise and cast off thoughts to allow space for new ones. It’s space for reflection and growth. It’s an opportunity to catch up and to draw lines. It’s a consolidation, and a departure. It’s a crucial landing space for the learning I’ll be doing at the Clore Emerging Leader’s course in two weeks time.

Let’s see where this goes…

Too much of the stuff that I encounter and experience gets lost in the folds of memory, filed by default because of a hesitation to respond quickly, and an ensuing notion that temporal distance from an experience either renders commentary redundant or creates an expectation of profundity. So here is a habit-breaker – a taste of a performance festival that I left two hours ago.

Chris Bailey’s eight minute opening to the festival left an impression on me despite its length – there’s something utterly delicious in a performer taking their time on stage, being confident in their presence and in the constructs they have chosen to adopt to both deliver drama and subvert expectation.

The Oh Fuck Moment, by Chris Thorpe and Hannah Jane Walker, lived up to its critical acclaim and recommendation. It boldly displays the potency of poetry and exposes the audience to one another, making the act of viewing visible. It made me feel uncomfortable, nauseous even, and by extension weak, yet its message is empowering:

We are not perfect beings who occasionally fuck up; we are fuck-ups, who occasionally achieve perfection.

Molly Naylor’s beautiful story, My Robot Heart, was accompanied by The Middle Ones, whose gentle music creates the perfect mood to support this simple and endearing tale of love. Though I wondered whether the ending should wrap things up so completely, the piece showed me how highly I value economic storytelling.

Little Bulb’s Goose Party was a superbly energetic end to day one – if the catchy music wasn’t enough in part one, the totally whacky party of part two, replete with a shower of bubbles for the enthusiastic dancing audience, couldn’t fail to win me over. Five talented musicians, each with a varied repertoire of instruments and an inherent sense of the theatricality of a gig: simply stupendous.

My extraordinarily high expectations for Ross Sutherland’s mixtape were expertly exceeded with a humble, lyrical, honest and touching performance of a work-in-progress. Exploring a technique that uses the rhythm of screen to dictate the composition of poetry, Ross discovers notes on familial love and loss in the opening credits of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

I was eager to see ‘A conversation with…’ because I’m a daughter that dotes on her father, and because I have massive respect for Hannah Nicklin. I wasn’t, however, expecting such precision: an intimate audience for an intimate confession; a careful construction of a protester; an honest account of a perceived failure; a physical artefact passed from palm to palm; and a surprising revelation that doesn’t just blur the lines but suggests art is life, and life is art.

What a weekend.

It seems appropriate to write about this event whilst I'm still experiencing the strangely altered physical state induced by lack of sleep and intense stimulation.

For context (I want you to feel my exhaustion!) I got up at 5.30am on Friday morning and travelled to Cardiff for a day of talks organised by Play ARK at Chapter Arts Centre. My Friday night sleep was patchy and disturbed by drunk revellers in my budget hotel, but still I awoke at 7.30am and proceeded to navigate the Cardiff buses with my trolley suitcase and stuffed rucksack in the unseasonable heat of the October morning. A few hours of games preceeded another journey – this time to University – where I had a few unusual hours in the company of Freshers. So, I arrived at the Museum Collection Centre doubting my ability to stay awake until 5am.

There was quite a crowd of writers, artists and bloggers ready to stare the small hours in the eye, which was heartening and unexpected. Our workshop started in earnest with a guided tour of the centre – effectively a huge repository of Birmingham City Council's extensive collection of artefacts not currently on display. The warehouse is a spectacle in itself, with its joyfully haphazard juxtaposition of seemingly unrelated objects. In one aisle, a Giant Spider Crab in a glass case sat on a shelf above a carousel horse, nestled next to a bread slicing machine, opposite a wooden cabinet and near an ornate eagle-carved bracket, large enough to hold up shelves for giants. In hindsight, I wish I'd concentrated more on the unique opportunity to fabricate elaborate connections that could link these objects that found themselves proximate. Yet I wouldn't want to suggest it was all jumble sale – certain collections had definitely been curated – vintage cars, costume, archaic weapons – and the small collections room (where I found the object of my evening's attention) was themed throughout.

A instruction to select an object of focus and three carefully planned writing exercises followed, and before I knew it, we were less than an hour from our appointed hour of release. Tiredness had merely stood at the gates looking in, felt as a slight ache in my limbs, whilst my imagination was seized by a tiny hand-powered Singer sewing machine from the 1870s.

The adventure, however, didn't end at 5am. My companion and I were kindly offered a lift to New Street (one sure sign that the wokshop happened in the usually dead hours is my inability to remember anyone's name) along with a writer who would be catching my train north. Our surprise at the locked doors of the station became embarrassment as we realised our collective error in being unaware of both the scheduled opening of the station and of the time of the first train home. The station doors were home to a few loiterers – all but one clearly drunk. As we sat pondering our next move (with a reluctance to join the fray) one chap clumsily hoisted himself from his lolling position and tried to get the attention of a cleaning attendant, and his swaying body and clown-like gait induced the kind of giggles that only come after a sleepless night.
Our driver was our saviour, and she dropped us on campus, where we could spend the next three hours if not comfortable enough to sleep, at least warm and safe. After leaving halls to wait for a taxi, I spent the next ninety minutes continuing to share the adventure with my new companion, before she alighted the train at her stop. Despite (or because of) our sleep-deprived state, the conversation was memorable and fascinating. Once alone, I started to feel blessed – smiling at strangers, strangers smiling back… a peculiar exhaulted state that's hard to explain.

All in all, a remarkable night. The centre, worthy of the attention of a few hours of curiosity without doubt, had an exclusive allure and indefinable ambience at midnight. Exciting though the setting and the activities were, what really made it remarkable was that infectious sense of adventure that turns strangers into firm friends.
When he eventually flopped into bed as the birds commenced their dawn chorus, my friend described the event as one that would make a great story in the re-telling, and I think the satisfaction of not just experiencing something like that, but knowing how special it is, can carry anyone through sleeplessness.

The workshop was the first event of Birmingham Book Festival's 2011 programme.

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